Imagine a world where YOU’re the only person….No friend…no enemy…no parent…no sibling...no boss…no colleagues…Nice, some would say (yes, some lone rangers like me), but what a world that wouldbe?A world without loving, without sharing, without giving, without helping, without caring…..An empty, void and motionless, uninteresting,monotonous world that would be!No man is an island they say, we need each other to succeed, to survive, to weather the storms of life together, to share both good and bad times and to fulfill our dreams. We indeed need each other to keep keeping on.This brings to mind what John Maxwell said in his book, Laws of Teamwork: ”One is too small a number to achieve greatness”.The question is; how good is the number?For the purpose of this write-up, we shall be focusing more on what is expected of us when relating with others, rather than what others need to do to make us happy in relationships.Looking inwards is always a better way to look at life.ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HAVING AND KEEPINGRELATIONSHIPS (Part 1)As a Trainer/Facilitator, there are some moral principles I teach Managers when I take the Topic “Interpersonal Relationships”, they are called “The 5 BASIC HUMAN NEEDS”and upon thorough research and years of study, I have come to identify them as:
.The need to be RESPECTED
.The need to be APPRECIATED
.The need to feel IMPORTANT
.The need to be UNDERSTOOD
.The need to be RECOGNIZED
t will be natural for us toexpectothers to respect us, demonstrating most, if not all the above human needs in their daily dealings with us, but I have news for you, rather than keep expecting, be THE FIRST TO GIVE ALL THESE.
ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HAVING SUCCESSFULRELATIONSHIPS:1.Make the best out of Relationships.There are various types of relationships such as friendship, work, dating, marriage, family relationships, etc. As we go through life, we will meet a variety of people and will build diverse relationships with them every step of the way. Never forget that relationships can mean different things to different people, so it is a possibility that someone may prefer a platonic relationship where you prefer a much deeper one. The key here is that the relationships we have with people make a lasting impact so it is very important that we make the best out of them.Let me share this with you, a personal friend has been part of my life and my family for 54 years running. That is a very deep relationship that has graduated from friendship to something much more deeper. To others, this might just be one of my childhood friends, nothing more, but for us both, this is a crucial relationship that we both continue to work hard to keep. Indeed we have become family and this has taken the relationship beyond mere friendship, our parents became close as a result, so also are our other siblings, it has also run into the second and third generation on both sides.With another close person I met in Higher Institution, we’ve been friends since we were both 17. I have several other relationships that I have nurtured for between 30-45 years and more (I mean of active friendship), some from primary school, some from secondary and others from Higher Institution. Those with whom I have established such active relationships, we continue to contact ourselves quite regularly. With my longest friend of over 54 years, we see regularly and I mean regularly and also speak (on phone)almost on a daily basis.Friendship is work, it is hard work indeed, so whether a relationship is a brief one that lasted one day, or the one that has gone on for 5, 10 or 20 years and more, let’s learn to make the best out of every relationship we build.2. Make good on your words.If you cannot make good on your words, then don’t start a relationship. Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going to do something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook dinner, or get a birthday present, and then blow it off or simply forget about it. This gradually destroys trust and relationships need trust to thrive.3. Be Realistic. Face the facts: ‘Relationshipsare not easy’. A lot of people avoid them like a plague! They don’t start to have or keep friends, some even hardly relate with their siblings after they’ve left home to start their own lives or families. Why? They cannot copewith the level of commitment that relationships of any sort demand. Relationships need time, they take time and can even cause you emotional trauma sometimes. So be realistic and be ready to push through the hard days in relationships when these occur.4. Adjust your expectations. Adjust your expectation downwards. By this I mean, avoid having high expectations when it comes to others. It is better to see the people you’re in relationships with as human beingswho have both strengths and developmental areas(i.e. weaknesses), not as perfect beings or machines. If your expectations are too astronomical that no one is able to live up to them all of the time, you're setting up your relationships for failure.5. Choose the right kind of friends– Learn this hard lesson of life - Not everyone will likeyour face and not everyone will get on well with you. You just may not have that “chemistry” with some people, so don’t force yourself down the throat of people by force. To have healthy relationships, look out for those with whom you share the same values. For example, what will a responsible professional be doing, hanging out with a friend who carries the Gun at night, who snatches cars at highways or who robs the banks? Those are two extremes! Choose the right people. But if you’re in the lives of such people to change them, then know you’re on a mission and not in a relationship!6. Have a deep insight about the human nature:Be awarethat we are all different, thatwe see things differently, that we have different personalities and are a product of our past in terms of our psychological and sociological experiences. This way, you’ll record fewer and fewer failures in relating with people. A clear understanding of the human nature will give you the desired focus in relating with people of diverse backgrounds.7. Know how to show your affection in whatever way you can.There's a difference betweenknowingthat you're loved andfeelingthat you're loved. Let’s narrow this down to 2 types of examples: (i) Marriage relationships and (ii) Courtships geared towards marriage(NOT casual dating).I know majority of us may fall into the ‘unmarried’ category, so let’s take No. (ii) as our Model, i.e. two people in courtship, aboutto marry…Pardon me GUYS, I choose to focus my example on you, this is without any bias!Imagine your fiancée (the lady) being a very romantic person and you (the guy), are not, although you care so much about this future wife of yours. Let’s imagine you’ve been working for a few years now and even already have a car and she’s just finished serving (NYSC) and just started work. Although she lives far from you, yet you arranged for someone to drop her every morning at work with your car, while you hopon the bus to your own office, the same arrangement is made for her return, in fact, the car is with her through the week. Not only that, you’re quick to apologize when wrong and has never forgotten her birthday in your 3years of courtship. In all, you’re a great guy and very caring too.BUT….you have never displayed any physical affection, never demonstrated your love for her by holding her hands or given her a pat on the back. Even when she sends an “I love you” sms every night, your reply is a cold “thank you”! You’re a good man obviously, yet, what we mean here is, despite all the positive things you’re doing or have done, you still need to showhealthyphysical affection, this is important in intimate relationships. What I mean by ‘healthy’ is what will not lead to permissiveness and what is acceptable morally especially in scriptures.These practical tips will help unromantic people, including married :(i) Rather than saying “oh that’s a lovely hair, after a new hair-do, as a man, you could ra
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