Remember when social media websites were just about sharing fun
things? I'm talking about the time when Facebook was essentially a place
to post photos of you having a great time and the most serious event
shared was when a person changed his or her status from "in a
relationship" to "single."
But those days are gone.
Social media has now become a place to share deeply personal and often
horribly painful events in our lives. It has, in essence, become an
online group therapy session where people reveal the details of dreadful
events from their lives in the hopes it helps them cope and will
attract support from others.
We saw it on display this
week with 16-year-old Hannah Anderson, who was taken hostage by James
DiMaggio for a week after he allegedly killed Hannah's mother and
younger brother. Within days of being freed, Hannah went online to the
website ask.fm and answered questions
from the public about her ordeal. And she didn't just respond to a few
questions, she fielded a long list of probing questions from "Why didn't
you run?" to "Are you glad (DiMaggio is) dead?"
I noticed this evolution
in the way people had begun to use social media last year, and at the
time, I didn't like it. My concern was: Why would anyone share the
intimate details of tragic events from their lives with people online,
many of whom are strangers?
It really hit home this
year when a friend posted on Facebook that he had been diagnosed with
cancer. I was shocked, first by the news but second by the fact he
announced his diagnosis on Facebook. Typically, this would be the type
of news you would share only with family and close friends, and probably
in a face-to-face conversation.
But reading the comments
responding to his original posting -- and the comments to his subsequent
posts about his treatment -- caused me to change my view on what was
appropriate to share on social media. The amount of support he received
on his Facebook page was astounding. He was touched by it, noting that
the outpouring brought him comfort and inspired him to fight the disease
even harder.
Many others are sharing
the most heartwrenching events in their lives. In just the past few
weeks, friends on Facebook or Twitter have posted information about the
deaths of a parent or a grandparent.
And this week, I saw an
even more candid sharing of information when a friend posted on Facebook
that his brother in Egypt had been shot by the police there during the
recent protests. He followed that up a few hours later with updates
about surgery to save his brother's life. Finally, he posted a photo of
his deceased brother from the morgue where they identified his body.
A few weeks ago, NPR host
Scott Simon tweeted live updates from his dying mother's hospital room
to his more than 1 million Twitter followers. Some said Simon was
invading his mother's privacy while others labeled him as self-centered,
focused more on himself than his dying mother. But like many others, I
found it to be a moving tribute to his mother.
What sparked this trend
to divulge information that had once been revealed only to family and
close friends? There are a few reasons. First, it's clearly therapeutic
for many. By sharing their painful experiences, it helps the person
heal, and the show of support by others bolsters them.
Second, those who have
been using social media for years on a daily basis have grown accustomed
to sharing events and experiences from everyday life. We are now
extending the scope of what we will share from our lives.
Finally, I believe
there's a connection between a willingness to share private aspects of
our lives and the reality TV show world in which we have been immersed
for over a decade. On a nightly basis, we see people share their
triumphs and tragedies, be it on shows like "Big Brother" or "The Real
World" or more contrived ones like "Honey Boo Boo" or "Keeping up with
the Kardashians." They have made it easier and more acceptable for us to
do the same.
To me, the best thing
about this new trend is that you get to control it. It's your choice
whether to disclose deeply personal information. Those who find it
unnerving or inappropriate can keep that information secret. But for the
rest, social media may end up being a less expensive but helpful form
of therapy.
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